Author Archives: Kennington Runoff

Faking it at Southwark Playhouse

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Are you at that point in January where there isn’t much to do but you’re nevertheless scratching to get out of the house or office? So are we, so to address the scratch we just checked out the intriguing and timely show ‘Fake News’ at Southwark Playhouse. Not the new Playhouse in Kennington that we visited last summer (it’s a thing), but the original in Newington Causeway. 

Originally presented to a sold out crowd at the Edinburgh Fringe, Fake News revolves around a budding journalist who’s just landed a plumb internship at the country’s foremost news organisation. With the audience acting as younger interns, Millennial Times is described to us as ‘the most lucrative and therefore respected media company on earth’ (we thought that was Kennington Runoff, but moving on). Given this, what the Times value most is the pursuit of clicks and money above ethics. But as long as people remain entertained, is this such a bad thing? 

As our budding journalist finds himself increasing enmeshed in a hilarious and distressing workplace with Angus and Debbie, he struggles to find a story that will launch his career and prove that he deserves to be there. Eventually he stumbles across a story that might not only make his career, but might disprove one of the biggest news stories since 9/11. But is his revelation itself fake news and if so, does it matter if it makes people happy and shareholders richer? Of course we’re not going to tell you.

Fake News is on now and runs until 28 January and tickets can be booked here. A delicious irony is that it’s received rave reviews from some of the same news outlets that it bashes. Below is the writer appearing on Sky News. The running time is one hour so you can toddle on home and still make it an early night. 

We here at the Runoff will be taking a break for the next month. But before you fall into apoplectic fits of anguish, don’t worry as we will be spoon feeding you with highlights from our history archives. We’re offering you these stories purely because they had the most hits give Greater Kenningtonians much more depth and context into our anointed patch. Enjoy!

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Call the Doctor!

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Since the demise of Elephant and Castle shopping centre a few years ago, we’ve been telling you how the small businesses that were there have adapted to other premises. Two sterling examples are the great Black Cowboy Coffee and critically acclaimed Kaieteur Kitchen. As it’s January and we’re now expected *eats doughnut* to lead much more healthy lifestyles, we’re here to tell you about another of these ventures; ‘Dr. Juice’.

Dr. Juice is the brainchild of Colombian born entrepreneur John Parra. In 2015 he was working for M&S and he and his friends noticed a distinct lack of healthy food options around Elephant and Castle. Given that healthy juices are a feature of most Colombian tables, the gap in the market seemed obvious and John tasked himself with addressing the issue. According to John ‘I just wanted to make the community become healthier’.

On our stopover, my juicy companion had the ‘Dirty Passion’ smoothie, comprised of mango, passion fruit, orange and pineapple. Your scribe had the ‘Dr. Classic’ juice drink consisting of carrot, apple, orange and ginger. All of the ingredients worked powerfully when whizzed together. These drinks are made before your very eyes and there are no artificial additives, but you can add items such as chia seeds and protein. Dr. Juice also sells acai bowls and fruit bowls 

We remember John’s petite pop up juice bar in the shopping centre fondly as they were located across from the erotic electric massage chairs. The new location is much more spacious and benefits from being in an area full of students. However, as we know post pandemic, every food establishment is at risk and benefits from our patronage. 

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Ililli Lebanese Restaurant

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Merry ‘Twixmas’ and we hope you’re enjoying this rather odd period where you should be working but probably aren’t. Unfortunately the top brass here at the Runoff didn’t provide us with a Christmas bonus this year. Well, unless you count the time when the CFO threw a handful of Celebrations into our cubicles and said ‘here’s your bonus’. So we’re back at work. 

Since it’s opening several months ago we’ve had on our radar an interesting looking Lebanese place in Vauxhall called ‘Ilili’. Given that kebabs joints are about as pervasive as estate agents in Greater Kennington, our mission was to see how the Ilili matched up to its numerous neighbours. It has a large charcoal grill at the front, for shish and kofte type grills. There are also two shawarma rotating skewers – chicken and lamb, no doner. The large seating area upstairs to the rear gives it more of a Middle Eastern grill restaurant vibe as opposed to a strict kebab shop. Unlike other places similar to Ilili, they also serve seafood and a small selection of Egyptian dishes. Tick

My dining partner, Karen from Finance, had the lamb shawarma, with well caramelised lamb pieces, served in generous quantity on a flat Lebanese style wrap. Your scribe had the chicken shawarma, with massive slices of marinated chicken, well seasoned with a hit of cumin. The usual salad fillings can be added to order, as can spicy sauce or a garlic sauce. Ours were solidly good wraps and excellent value (£6.95) given their taste quality and large size. The large option must be the size of a baby’s leg. The service was friendly as well. 

  • Chicken
  • Lamb

The illustrations above are for you to see the contents of our kebabs. We’re fully aware that they rather resemble something that you might have stepped on after leaving Vauxhall station. A reminder to us all that photographing food is no mean feat.

Illil Restaurant is at 351 Kennington Lane

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Christmas Day Pubs

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If, during lunch on Christmas Day, Aunty Faye continues to witter on about her bursitis to the extent that you start thinking about ramming a carrot into your eye socket, then we have an idea for you.  Why not head to the pub! We’ve done some hunting and have tracked down the pubs (and there aren’t many) that are open on Christmas Day.  And they are….

The Fentiman Arms – Oval/Vauxhall 

The Three Stags – Lambeth North

 The Prince of Wales – Kennington 

White Bear Pub – Kennington 

Please be aware that to the best of our knowledge these pubs are only open in the daytime. However, we’ve just received confirmation that one of our favourite pubs, the Steam Engine will be open until midnight! It’s  on the edges of Greater Kennington, in Lambeth North, but well work the walk to avoid having to get a carrot extracted from your eye.  

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Christmas Fun in Bonnington Square

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Yes, dear readers, we are notifying you of two Christmassy happenings in a row. We only have the press release to go by, but we are all invited to ‘Christmas at Italo’, a celebration sponsored by Italo Vauxhall in Bonnington Square. For those not in the know, Italo is a locally owned, pint sized delight of a deli, sandwich and Italian food shop. On Wednesday it will be open until 20:00.

From Italo – 

‘On Wednesday 21st December, Winter Solstice, there is a big local party. Starting at 4pm with country dancing in St Annes Hall, on the corner of Vauxhall Grove and Harleyford Road, 2 minutes walk from the shop. Then there will be the usual solstice pagan carols outside the shop, officiated by our local pagan priest David Spofforth, from 6.30… with mulled wine. Then there is a ‘Bring Food (Vegan and Vegetarian only) and Drinks to share” community party in the Bonnington Centre. Then upstairs at the Bonnington Centre. And everyone is very welcome to come, and bring many family and friends…’

We’re acutely aware of the renegade tendency of Runoff readers, so we implore you to respect the solstice, pagan and vegetarian nature of this event. To put it bluntly,  don’t pitch up in a nun’s habit with a giant gravy double bucket from the new KFC in Vauxhall.   We will certainly plan to abide by this. 

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Lenos & Carbon

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We recently paid a long overdue visit to Colombian staple Lenos and Carbon in Elephant Street in Elephant and Castle. If you’ve never been to Elephant Street, it’s a delightful little strip of earth full of northern South American restaurants, shops and cafes which nourishes us with the diversity of our anointed patch. 

Hidden behind a tiny door next to the entrance to the station, the first impressions of L&C is that it’s beguilingly large. The walls are adorned with handicrafts that can be purchased, and on our visit the majority of the punters were speaking Spanish – two big ticks from the very outset. We started by trying their empanada, which had a pastry thicker and softer than what we are accustomed to from Argentine restaurants, and was overall more corn based. A tasty and filling bargain at £1.70. We also indulged on a shredded beef arepa. It left us feeling a bit bland but was rescued by some very zingy salsas. 

For the mains, Phil from accounts had the Bandeja Paisa, which rather resembled a greatest hits mixed grill meets breakfast buffet dish. The Colombian style chorizo was less paprika flavoured than its Spanish cousin, but still tasty. Around these were an assortment of shredded beef, cereal, corn bread and beans. And both of our plates extended two second plates containing fried plantain, rice and salad. Whew. 

Your scribe had the Mojarra Marinera with plantains and rice. Mojarra is a tropical fish and this one was served as a whole, head and all. This mind bogglingly large dish was accompanied by mussels, tiny calamari, prawns, and baby octopus. It was sprinkled with parsley to accompany the very creamy and succulent sauce. Both of these dishes were washed down with Corona on tap, but wine and cocktails are also available. 

Colombian food will probably never rise to the dizzying heights of Colombia’s other great export*, but what we love about L&C is the overall experience and vibe. With the Colombian staff and punters it transported us to a place much further south, far removed from train strikes and melting snow. 

*We’re talking about Shakira, so please get your mind out of the gutter.  

Christmas Tree Time!

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At Christmas can you guess who the busiest man in greater Kennington might be? Is it Santa Claus? Perhaps the great man Jesus Christ himself? Of course it’s Abraham over at Bouquets and Beans in Kennington Cross who is about to take delivery of a biblical hoard of Christmas trees on Saturday (10 Dec) and more after that.

Abraham’s informed us that his trees are £35 for 3-4 feet, and £75 for 8-10 feet. The latter option being for people with huge homes or those who’ve consumed too much mulled wine. He is also selling wreaths. And he’s confirmed that said trees can be delivered. It helps to order in advance, but he also has trees on hand.   

And if you’re tree shopping why not treat yourself to a tea, coffee, croissant or a bouquet of holiday flowers? 

War Games at IWM

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We usually like to review the new exhibits at the Imperial War Museum, but had some understandable reluctance to check out their newest show. As it’s about war related video games as we didn’t think it exactly fit, lets just say, the sensitive demographic that we cater to. However, we found it fascinating and it dispelled, among other things, the dated myth that online gaming is a domain for spotty teenage boys. 

War Games: Real Conflicts, Virtual Worlds, Extreme Entertainment is a show displayed in 10 parts, or levels, starting with the psychology of why people  have a long history of gravitating to games involving tactic and strategy. We are then shown a live action game, Wolfenstein 3D (1992) next to Sniper Elite 5 (2022) to see how profoundly gaming has changed over the years. This is where we encounter two enormous screens showing war games and developers telling us in laymen’s terms (it has to be very laymen for us) how they are based on real environments, and they show us how users can play for a few minutes or plan a campaign that takes years to complete. The mind boggles.  

The largest room touches on some of the inevitable ethical complexities involved in developing products based on crushing people’s heads and then running them over. Apparently one of the largest growth areas are games which involve saving people affected by war, which is a relief. And increasingly developers are creating figures which can be succinctly personalised to give gamers a feeling that they have agency with that figure. Video games often reflect the anxieties we face at the time they were created and can be seen as mirrors of the age. For example, imagine a videogame fronted by a resurrected Liz Truss with Covid, running around cutting off everyone’s heating. 

The most enjoyable element of this exhibit can be found on Level 10 (this room is only open until the end of January) which has dozens of retro video consoles from 1980 up until the current day which you can play for free. We saw Sega, Atari, Commodore 24, X Box, Nintendo 64 and others. We won’t tell you which era we played as you’ll then be one step closer to knowing who we are. But suffice it to say that War Games is a sophisticated spread of immersive installations about a culture that many of us know little about. 

For those of you who’ve given IWM a wide berth over the years for moral reasons, we understand your reluctance. However, it is not a temple of jingoistic celebration, and if anything it is dedicated to the human spirit and survival. Galleries dedicated to the Holocaust and women on the home front are very poignant and reminders of the profound impact that conflict has on the innocent.

War Games: Real Conflict, Virtual Worlds, Extreme Entertainment is on now until 28 May and is totally free. 


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Always Be Comedy – Tommyfield

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Did you know that we have a top flight comedy night  right here in Greater Kennington? It’s called Always be Comedy, and is a favourite here at Runoff Towers after a stressful day of faxing and stapling . It takes place upstairs at the Tommyfield pub and is MC’ed by the effervescent James Gill. In addition to the comedy, James lays on fun games such as ‘who has the posher name’ (no mean feat with that lot)

On previous outings we’ve seen the likes of Mo Gilligan, Harry Hill, Joe Lycett, Katherine Ryan, Russell Howard, Romesh Ranganathan, Josh Widdecombe (whoops – better pick up those names we just dropped!), all for  £12. And some before they became famous.  The only trick is you need to be quick off the mark, and also some are billed as ‘secret’ so it is probably a good idea to be on their mailing list. And if you’ve never heard of the comedian, you might discover somebody new and only exerted a walk over and stumble back from Kennington Cross in the process. 

The crowd at ABC makes you feel a bit like you’ve stumbled across an audition for the next season of ‘The Apprentice’, but if you can move beyond that (and the pricey pints) then it’s a fun night. If you plan to make a night of it, for food we would give the Tommyfield a miss and suggest the excellent Korean/Japanese joint ‘Kuma’ a few doors down. ABC also do a night in Wandsworth, but that isn’t Greater Kennington so who cares.

There are people with actual full heads of hair at these shows