The Mysterious Case of the Kerbside Markings

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If you’ve ever looked at your nearest kerb you’ve seen them. They’re in Kennington Cross, in the older bits of Elephant, even in the languid streets of Walworth. They’re cryptic inscriptions  cut into the kerbs when they were laid down. Is it a cult symbol? The Masons? We love nothing more than a mystery, and if you look at a kerb there are plenty to be found. Just don’t get hit by the 59 bus.

When it comes to hobbies like deciphering kerb markings  there are plenty of sad, probably middle age white dudes out there with loads of time to waste on these matters, making the job of our research team much easier. An easy answer is that the marks are stonemason cuts to let the bosses know how many stones were cut that day by one person. But some have two markings, so that isn’t it. Other white dudes speculate that they marked the beginning and end of a day of laying them down, but in some places there are three of the same markings in a row. Many of these markings are just squiggles or crosses, further undermining that they were made to evidence the identity of the stone layer.

One middle age white dude with a LOT of time on his hands was Ashley Cowrie, who investigated 4000 miles (!) of British kerbstones to unlock the meaning behind this great British mystery and has written a surprisingly erudite paper about it. He debunks a number of theories, such as the presence of crosses to commemorate plague deaths (sorry sunshine, but during the plague of 1665 Kennington was but a swamp) or an indication of underground utilities (but some only appear once). In an age before street signs the crosses could indicate parish boundaries, but again they appear too frequently.

If you’re interested in kerb markings, first off you might want to seek professional help. But if the desire persists then there are many resources online to assist your fixation, such as their own Facebook page (kids, Facebook was a social media tool used a LONG time ago).  But there is tantalisingly no consensus as to the meaning of the many carvings. We’ve eliminated stonemason marks, an indication of underground utilities, parish boundaries, or individual identities of the worker. This Victorian mystery remains an enigma that you can solve on your own. That is, if you struggle to find friends.  

The Simply Bread Revisit

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We recently paid an overdue revisit to takeaway sandwich joint Simply Bread in Black Prince Road in Vauxhall. It’s run by the team from the excellent Jolly Gardeners pub a few doors down. Sandwiched between the two was Ginger Provisions, their noble but doomed foray into the retail supermarket world which itself deserves huge plaudits.

For this meal we were once again joined by our gastronomic collaborator Karen from the Finance team. Still resplendent in her post GLP appearance, she ordered the falafel and hummus sandwich, citing that it was vegan and therefore, in her own parlance, ‘totally healthy’. When we pointed out that falafel is deep fried, Karen replied ‘whatever, its vegan’. Karen observed that the falafels were not made on site, and had probably spent much of their brief life in a very cold place (ie a freezer). What offset this was a delicious hummus and well roasted peppers and courgettes. Overall Karen proclaimed it to be a flavourful and substantial addition to her day. If not quite as virtuous as she cares to admit.

Your scribe had the spicy tuna sandwich served on granary bread. The spice kick was furnished by Korean chili flakes augmented by those tuna bad boys peppers and sweetcorn, mixed with a guilt laden level of mayonnaise. With both sandwiches the portions were huge, and could easily have been nibbled on for the rest of the working day but of course were devoured quickly. In addition to lunchtime sandwiches, Simply Bread opens at 8am and offers the usual amenities of teas, coffees, flat whites, and pastries before you travel to work. Even if that travel is only to a laptop in the corner of your bedroom.

If you’re a restaurateur reading this, please be aware that we get loads of offers of free food from establishments wanting us to darken their door. We praise you, but this rather defeats the spirit of this website. So if you see a gaggle of overworked yet glamorous people lurking at your corner table, it might just be us but you’ll never know.

Save Maderia Star!

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At the Observer we tend to avoid campaigns as that would make us no better than, say, Loose Women. But rules were made to be broken and we’re adding to one.

Madeira Star has been an institution in Kennington Cross for over thirty years. It is one of the few places in Greater Kennington where normal folk can grab an affordable lunch or a decent(ish) fry up. The landlord has decided to not renew Madiera’s lease, the likely reason being that they calculate that a large chain would pay more rent. This would be a true loss to Greater Kennington, as through the years what Maderia has become is more of a community gathering place, and its loss takes away not not only an institution but part of our identity. What is being proposed by the Change.org petition is for Lambeth to step in and protect it as a community asset.

We have to confess that our ulterior motive is that we possess an irrational fixation that any vacant property will be replaced by that scourge of the high street….Gail’s Bakery. And Loose Women, if you’re reading this we do love you. In fact, for reasons relating solely to journalistic research two of the team were in your audience in October. We’re in the picture below between Janet Street Porter and a minor Nolan sister. Yes that us in the grey, right in the middle.

To join the movement click here. Unless you enjoy shelling out £8.90 for a sandwich and £3 for a cup of tea.

Springtime Down on the Farm!

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When many of us think about a party in Vauxhall one conjures up images of empty Co2 cannisters, people stumbling out of a club with glitter in their hair, or the Sunday afternoon naked dance phenomenon ‘SBN’. But something much more wholesome is afoot over at Vauxhall City Farm on 16 – 17 May and it’s not just for children.

The Vauxhall May Fair has been part of the Greater Kennington cultural calendar (it’s a thing) for several years now. This event is not only fun for adults but is also a fundraising tool that enables VCF to improve their services to animals and local kids who rarely see farm animals. Live music and a BBQ will be on offer in addition to a games arena, a cuddle corner (that’s cuddling animals), educational workshops, and displays of sheep shearing and weaving. And for those of you who’s experience of being child focussed extends to giving your nephew the cherry out of your cocktail, please be gentle and realise that they might be playing a game with you.

This event should be great fun, and with VCF now so big, you can just wander off and chill in a corner or pet a pig if you fancy, so you have no reason not to go. So if you’re lucky enough to have kids it should be a great day out. And if you’re lucky enough to not have kids it should be a great day out. Overall, if you compare cuddling an alpaca to cuddling a twenty stone hairy naked man under a railway arch, you’ll find it’s really not all that different. Not that we’d know.

Greater Kennington and the 1926 General Strike

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Today is May Day, celebrating worker’s rights, and next week marks the 100th anniversary of the 1926 General Strike. That prompted us to research the largest employer of Greater Kenningtonians at the time and it was Sir Joseph Causton & Sons at 139-143 Clapham Road/Brook Drive in north Stockwell (Stockwell is an area south of Greater Kennington). Causton & Sons had the very grown up job as a primary printer to the King, creating WW1 Air Raid advisory posters, and of course propagating information to the public. In their role as disseminators of information, they became deeply entangled in the ensuing strike.

The general strike began on 4 May, 1926 after the Trades Union Congress (TUC) called for solidarity with miners facing wage cuts. Printers were the first line of workers called out among the 1.7 million who stopped working. With printing presses silent, the closure of Causton’s presented a real problem for the TUC and people who wanted to spread propaganda about the noble cause. The TUC then scrambled to produce their own paper and the government produced one (edited by Winston Churchill).

The general strike lasted nine days and afterwards sympathetic businesses forgave their striking employers and people moved on. However, some sided with the government and dismissed the strikers. It stands to reason that Causton’s were in the latter category as their customers included the Crown and government. Causton & Sons relocated in 1937 and the building was then occupied by Freeman’s Catalogue. Our more seasoned readers might remember Freemans as the home of the £2.99 polyester mega tie. It’s now home to a gym, an independent coffee shop, Tesco (a supermarket), and many flats. We’d like to give a shout out to Observer megafans Luca and Stuart, who live behind the building and took some photos for us. We love but you’re not getting paid. We barely do.

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Making Your (Persian) Mind Up

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We love Amici as they never run out of novel concepts to get people through the door. Bands! Singles nights! Jack Straw! And now they’ve done it again….Just when you thought Kennington couldn’t get any more camp they’re hosting…..wait for it….. a Eurovision night!

Amici will be taking their enormous TV outside and it will be viewed in their otherwise quiet garden where, according to the press release, drinks will be flowing and food will be served (it’s not free, we know what you’re like). The food served is Persian and Italian. You can get Italian anywhere so we always stick to the Persian, which is to die for.  Office favourites are any of the grills, and also the Persian stew called Khoresh. The owners are Iranian and can give you the full low down about what you’re about to encounter. Well maybe not if it involves dancers emerging from under a giant skirt.

Amici if you’re reading this (and if not you’re missing out) we have some tips to make it a better night. You could try a ‘who’s replaced Scott Mills’ drinking game or, even better, have a former UK representative do a PA! There are plenty of them who have a LOT of time on their hands. Try reaching out to Gina G, she’s getting on a bit but stranger things have happened.

The UK entrant is the disturbingly catchy ‘Eins, Zwei, Drei’ by Look Mum No Computer. The chorus features the lines ‘Darlin’ I need somethin’ salty, with a slice of pepperoni’. See for yourself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niMKvJ-Itq8&list=RDniMKvJ-Itq8&start_radio=1

Topical Ghosts in Oval

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We love contemporary art and we love Gasworks Gallery in Oval. And while nothing will quite achieve the varnished heights of a previous show which turned the gallery into a Hampstead Heath cruising area, the current offering certainly tries its best. So if your taste includes ghosts who can play the piano while talking about racism, then you’re in for a real treat.

The current offering at Gasworks is by Portuguese American artist Gabriel Abrantes and is called ‘Bardo Loops’. The animated ghosts reference a phase between death and rebirth. Think of them as really articulate zombies. The ghosts talk about a range of topics without the other ghost listening (they are dead after all) in a friendly and almost mocking tone. The challenge for the viewer is that some of these topics are indeed very serious, but made to look trivial. Abrantes uses the ghosts as a way to explore issues relating to loss, illness and vulnerabilities. The manmade disasters unfolding behind them (eg a forest fire) seem minimal as we remain trapped in our own drama, ultimately only getting out of said drama by the use of our phone or AI. Or both.

Bardo Loops is open now until 7 June and is totally free. But please remember that if you want to mingle with the apparitions, the gallery is only open Wed-Sun 12 to 6. If you want even more ghostly fun they are having an artist curators tour on 9 May and a few other phantasmic offerings to be found here.

Kennington Invents the Taxicab…Sort of.

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You’ve probably walked or bussed by the massive red brick and terracotta behemoth buildings at the top of Brixton Rd next to the park but never noticed them. Built in 1905/07, it was the original home of the General Motor Cab Company and oversaw the first wave of motorised taxis in London. This imposing structure has also had an inordinate impact on our vernacular, as three commonplace words were coined in these very buildings….Taxicab, taxi, and cab.

London’s first petrol fuelled cabs were rolled out in 1903 and by 1905 they became the norm, but they of course needed a depot where they could be parked. The garage of the General Motor Company then came into existence with home for over 2000 cabs and one of its first tasks was to get the new motorised whizzies fitted with meters. Thus became the synthesis of the words ‘taxi’ (from the French taxomiter) and ‘cab’ (from the French cabriolet).

In a time before Waymo driverless cabs threatened to mow you down in Kennington Lane, the regulation of taxis was a laborious undertaking and made compulsory by 1907 and an administration extension to the depot was erected that year, likely used to oversee revenues from the cabs.   And for the young ones out there, taxis are something that old people used wave down to get home from a boozy night out. You might still see a few of them about. They’re black and driven by guys named Gary who want to talk to you about football and ‘all those people coming over in boats’.

The current occupant is largely the shared office outfit ‘Workspace’, offering shared and personal work environments at an extortionate rate….but if that subsidises their cheap coffee and free Wifi in their café then we say ‘keep up the good work’!  The building is so massive, in fact, that until recently part of it was rented to the National Theatre as a storehouse for all their costumes. That space is now occupied by Pure Gym, where our PR assistant Adam once somehow managed, with devasting consequences,  to get his shorts trapped in a stationary bike. Other occupants include firms of architects, consultants, catering and, most tantalisingly, a K-Pop dance school. Sign us up!

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Because we all Need a Fresh Start

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Establishments reviewed by the Observer have an unfortunate habit of going bust shortly after they’ve been benighted with our pixie dust, and thus was the case with Unique at 63 Black Prince Rd. in Vauxhall which uniquely managed the feat a mere five weeks after our review. The new occupant is coffee shop ‘Osoji’, which roughly translates to ‘fresh start’ in Japanese.

To these events we usually invite Phil from accounts but he’s lookmaxxing at the moment and unable to even drink a cup of tea. When we pointed out that tea in fact has no calories he muttered something about controlling the amount of fluids in his body, which is funny as he’s never said that in a pub. Moving on, Osoji has the regular staples such as loose leaf tea, cappuccino, flat white, Americano and others.. and on our visit we encountered ACTUAL ITALIAN PEOPLE. We didn’t understand what they were saying but they certainly looked content with their espressos and macchiatos. Thrown into the mix is also a nice assortment of pastries

The demographic of Osoji consists of earnest dog walkers, mums dropping their kids to school, and folks scurrying to work. Customer service facing local businesses live and die largely on their ability to engage with customers and this was in evidence on our visit, as the staff were funny and engaging. It appears that new owner Nancy already knew some of the punters as she worked there before, and it shows. Overall, Osoji is solid spot for a quick brew or to work (they have WiFi). And Osoji, if you’re reading this please be aware that we love your subtle nod to Japanese design

Taro

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We’ve often pondered the why there aren’t more sushi joints in Greater Kennington, and have placed this into the category of the unexplained. Other examples of the unexplained are why people talk about their personal lives over the phone on the 59 bus. Or why you never see a baby pigeon. The only quality sushi joint in our manor is Taro near Kennington Cross. It is so acclaimed, in fact, that it’s been on our Top Ten© list since opening  in 2018. We went on a Tuesday evening and the place was buzzing with friendly, hair flicking folk.

Karen from Finance is still resplendent in her new post Ozempic glory so she left the tempura prawns to your scribe who found them light, airy, but with that savoury crunch we all expect. The sushi came as it was freshly prepared by the chefs in a Izakaya manner from the open kitchen. Izakaya is equivalent to ‘pub food’, but more importantly this word is a great one to throw out in order to impress/condescend to your friends during said meal. Among the first to emerge was the Ebi gyoza. In the inside they managed to stuff prawn, leeks, and cabbage. It was pan fried and delicious with a vinegar soy sauce.

We personally don’t approve of rainbow hued maki rolls with flecks of gold. However, we fully accept that we live in an era of Insta and TikTok where an image can immediately determine the life or demise of a company. And so they arrived, along with a spicy tuna roll and tofu. The rolls were stuffed with cream cheese, chives, prawn and crunchy veg. They were topped with a generous slice of fish and finished off with a dollop of Kewpie mayo. The tofu  was pan-fried and coated in a sweet/savoury sauce made from soy, mirin, and sake. Delicious. As for the tuna, At one point Karen had three large rolls in her mouth at the same time requiring us to lean over and say, tactfully, ‘let’s not go back to the bad old days Karen’. Karen nodded in agreement as she was unable to talk. Evidence if it is needed of the appeal of spicy tuna.

Taro is open seven days a week and also on all delivery services for  the Gen Z’ers who can’t be bothered to walk down the street. Lots of love.