Cricket for the Cricketless

If you’re a regular Runoff reader (and if you are, congratulations) then you might be aware that we are not the sportiest of offices. Just last summer during our staff picnic in Kennington Park, a young man asked Phil from accounts to kick his ball back and Phil suffered a panic attack requiring medical intervention. Having said that, we know there is a world class Oval pitch in beloved patch and we recently checked it out for you. Sort of. 

Our overall mission at Kia Oval was to see if cricket was a fun event for people who aren’t actually that interested in the game, in case someone invites you. The demographic was an eclectic mix of white middle class thirty somethings who apparently had just come from work, and usually in small groups. That doesn’t define us but we fit in nevertheless. There are a number of activates to busy yourself other than watching the game such as a raffle, catching a ball to win £1000, or finding the best looking player and simply Googling ‘shirtless’ after their name. For the uninitiated it is also interesting to notice the huge amount of security on the pitch, perhaps anticipating the moment when Tarquin flings an orange slice out of his Pimms. 

What surprised us most about our trip to the Oval was the vast selection of quality food and drink available. The street food stalls were organised by the uber on trend street food specialists ‘KERB’, and we saw stalls selling souvalki (which we recommend), pizza, curry, pies, venison burgers, jerk chicken and other fare. On the drinks front there was a vast array of lagers and ciders available, in addition to wines and even a cocktail bar. As you might expect from a sports venue this stuff doesn’t come cheap, with a wrap costing £9 and a pint coming in at £7. However, you can bring you own food (but not booze). 

The event we attended was T20 cricket and there are future dates listed here. It was on a weekday evening and was all over by 9:15. While you might not want to attend with a group of people who don’t know what they are looking at, if invited by a fan it’s a fun to learn more about the sport. 

And through all of the excitement, Phil finally overcame his phobia of objects being hurled at him by catching a T-shirt thrown from the boot of a Kia Sportage. 

The Best Sunday Roast in Greater Kennington

24 THE OVAL

We would like to take a pause from the nail biting and profoundly moving Top 10 list to announce that the best Sunday Roast in Greater Kennington can be found at the very cheffy ’24 The Oval’. The runner up is new kid on the Vauxhall block ‘Jolly Gardeners’ which almost knocked off ’24’ for reasons petulantly outlined at the end of this post. 

What immediately strikes you about 24 is that it is truly a temple to good food and quality ingredients. The wait staff know about the food they’re serving, and the open kitchen is a symbol of their honest approach to food. During lockdown, 24 transformed itself into a farm shop with a sideline in craft bottled beers. We were very pleased to see that this little tradition continues selling everything from Cava to carrots. 

As an ‘amuse-bouche’ each table of two is served with four miniature Yorkies served with a delicious gravy probably made with beef drippings (vegan options abound, however). My dining partner and Sunday Roast connoisseur had the pork belly which was generous and nicely soft and sticky in all the right places. Your scribe had the lamb and the shoulder was served shredded, with the leg served in pink and fatty strips.  As it is one of their specialities, the Yorkshire puddings were large and just the right side of crispy. Both roasts were served with more hearty gravy served from a saucepan.  Also evidenced was pea puree with a pleasing consistency not unlike that of baby food. 

What strikes you about 24 is that they have none of that ‘small sharing plates’ BS.  The real star of the show here is the very well cooked veg. In addition to those served with the roast, you are presented with so many additional veg items that they almost fall off the table. This included cauliflower cheese and roast potatoes which were perfectly crispy but with a soft centre. The carrots possessed an intense roasted flavour and savoy cabbage also popped in for a visit. An unexpected mystery guest for us were Jerusalem artichokes. The mains run between £19 and £23 which ain’t cheap, but we feel is worth it. 

24, if you are a KR reader (and if not you’re really missing out) we need to talk about something. You stand guilty of committing a crime pervasive in London restaurants at the moment. Namely, selling hugely overpriced wine. Your cheapest bottle is a not very cheap £29, which was almost 300% above the retail price. We are letting you off the hook as times have been tough but we’re watching you *wags finger*! Otherwise you make a mighty fine roast and you know it. 

Getting Classy in Vauxhall

As amazing as it is, only a few weeks ago none of us had heard of Wordle, Duolingo or, god help us all, Partygate. Now they seem to be dominating our lives at the expense of getting out and going things. If you fancy building those brain cells in a different way, we suggest the upcoming ‘Classical Vauxhall’ series of concerts at St. Mark’s Church in Oval. The press release boldly describes it as ‘a four day festival of live music and song, featuring top artists and four centuries of composers’. By that last comment let’s hope it doesn’t entail digging people out of the ground.

Classical Vauxhall returns on 10 – 13 February and is live after a year of streaming. We had friends who went in 2020 and they described it as both amazing and great fun.  Festival Director and the brains behind it Fiachra Garvey is joined by artists Elizabeth Llewellyn, Kangmin Kim, and Leonard Elschenbroich with pianist Alexei Grynyuk. We actually have no idea who any of these people are – But– we have seen some of their work on YouTube and it’s remarkable. Elizabeth Llewellyn and her great voice are here..

The concept behind these five concerts is to put on shows that are varied, lively, and accessible to people who (like us) are not habitues of the Royal Opera House. Each night is set to a theme, from Love and Loss to Brahams and feature a range of artists doing short pieces. We are particularly fascinated by ‘The Royal Opera House is Burning, Late Night Drag’ on 13 February which bills itself as a ‘classical drag opera like no other’ with works from Les Mis and Wicked.  

Tickets are £22.15 so not exactly cheap, but a great way to support local culture and artists who have probably not had much work for the past two years. And imagine the one-upmanship you can have with your friends who sat at home watching a TV show about Katie Price doing her house up

X Mas Shopping in Greater Kennington

From doggie treats to panettone 

Before we commence with our run down of how we can treat people we love, lets think about all the Greater Kenningtonians out there who are struggling with the basics. If you would like to help them but aren’t really sure how, the Vauxhall Foodbank is a good place to start. You can either donate money, volunteer, or donate food directly at Tesco Kennington Lane or Sainsburys Nine Elms. 

If you’re anything like us, you’d rather have a pencil crammed  into your ear canal than face the throngs of Oxford/Regent Streets right now. And if you like to hold objects before you buy them you can do this in our very own manor, and we hope you find our little guide useful. 

FOOD

Italo Vauxhall and Mimi’s Deli both have a range of Italian foodie gift ideas including wines, beers, spices, panettone (or as we call it ‘stale cake’), oils, cheeses and even posh sauces. Mimi’s has also turned the former seating area into a kind of pop up Christmas shop in the back, not visible from the road. 

Mercato Metropolitano has all of the Italian fare outlined above and also feature some Italian themed hampers and they’re also selling wreaths. They have wonderful meats and cheeses but if they sit under your tree for 10 days the smell might rather dampen your Christmas vibe. Don’t forget they have a new shop at 1 Walworth Road.

Ever thought about buying an edible Christmas gift our own beloved Oval Farmer’s Market? They stock many things that won’t perish under the tree such as chocolates and wine. You have one more Saturday before Christmas! 

The Beefeater Gin Distillery has a lovely but totally deserted gift shop offering unusual, limited run gins and gin accessories. You can also buy a gift voucher to tour the distillery (we can confirm it’s great fun). Perfect for your loved one who likes a nice holiday tipple or who just has a drinking problem. 

NON FOOD

Now, when you think Christmas shopping the first thing you say to yourself probably isn’t ‘ooh, lets go to the place behind Elephant Station where they keep the bins’. But, if you venture there you will discover a clutch of independent shops in Castle Square that used to exist in the shopping centre. Great for you younger folk looking for baseball caps, hoodies and clothes.

If you are in Elephant pop over to the new SoLo Craft Fair which is a collective of artists and creatives who now run a bricks and mortar shop. 60 small businesses have their work shown on rotation and during our journey we saw affordable jewellery, handbags, baskets, cards, scarves, bath salts, prints and T-shirts.

From the chains, cages and chew toys in the window, for many years we thought Hound Hut in Clapham Road was actually a bondage/S&M shop. However, it is your one stop shop for everything canine, even refrigerated dog food. 

Next to the (not S&M) Hound Hut sits new kid on the block “Pretty Shiny Shop’ which swaggeringly exudes itself to be Greater Kennington’s Christmas Shop (steady) and they stock a range or cards, houseware items, Christmas tree goodies, and small pieces of jewellery. 

Mary over at Windmill Flowers stocks not just flowers but also collectables and houseware accessories. 

In addition to books, Vanilla Black also has some nice gift ideas such as cards and masks and also a few food items. We think VB secretly hates us but we’ve moved on with our lives and are plugging them anyway. And since you are over there, I Due Amici has some fine looking panettone hanging in their windows (no that isn’t a rude euphemism).  And if at this very second you are thinking ‘what happened to Didi and Franc’. Well, we have no idea but try asking in VB.

As a second joyless year comes to a close, have you ever thought about the gift of comedy? Our local gold star comedy club Always be Comedy are doing E vouchers for their virtual and socially distanced and live events (the virtual being very surreal) at The Tommyfield. Recently we’ve seen Harry Hill, Al Murray, Sara Pascoe and more. 

Most importantly, this has been yet another shitty year for almost all of us. So you have the Kennington Runoff seal of approval to treat yourself during the 2021 festive season! 


Wreath Making Fun!

We think that festive wreaths are an unheralded part of the Christmas season. Not only do they look good on your door, but they can also double as a festive tiara or indeed a massive bracelet. And if you’re anything like us, they’re also a hell of a lot easier than putting up a tree that your cat knocks over after a few days. Our crack team of KR investigators have sourced three very local organisations where you can make your own wreath while also helping the community.  

The good folk over at Vauxhall City Farm are once again having a wreath making workshop and they run every Saturday until 11 December.  Whether you prefer a loose and unstructured wreath or a disciplined floral door halo, the sessions last for 2 ½ hours and offer one to one tutelage by staff and maybe even a nosey donkey.  The workshops are pretty dear at £40 but please remember that the money generated goes into supporting the farm and their work with school kids and animals. 

Our pals over at Roots and Shoots in Kennington are hosting their annual wreath making workshop on 3 and 4 December at 1pm and 4pm. Of course Roots and Shoots know a thing or two about plants, so expect guidance that will empower you to make your own wreaths in years to come. It is £50, but the cost enticingly includes ‘minced pies and mulled wine galore’, so imagine all the creative fun you can have after knocking back five or six.  As with the City Farm, all proceeds go to supporting their work in the community and apprentice schemes for vulnerable youth.  

Finally. On Friday, 29 November The Fentiman Arms in Vauxhall/Oval will be hosting their own wreath making workshop with a masterclass from our own Mary from Windmill Flowers who will supply all the mistletoe and ribbons you need. This is coming in at £45 but hopefully this will include some free treats.  The Fentiman holds a special place in the hearts of Runoff staff as it used to be the venue of our staff Christmas parties until senior management decided to downscale to a venue that we are not allowed to mention for legal reasons.  *shuffles papers and leaves the room*. 

Shopping Fun in Oval

Today we attended the opening day of independent gift shop ‘Pretty Shiny Shop’ in Oval. We toyed with the idea of interviewing the owners in an official KR capacity, but given that local businesses have a niggling habit of going bust just after we interview them (including the place which used to inhabit this exact premises) we didn’t want to send bad karma their way. So instead we swanned in pretending to be curious and amused members of the pubic just looking for a bit of ‘early Christmas inspiration’. It worked. 

The stock at Pretty Shiny Shop is an eclectic selection of affordable jewellery, clever greeting cards, candles, soaps, socks, fabrics and mugs. The left hand side of the shop is dedicated to baby and toddler items such as visual books and games. We were particularly intrigued by what appeared to be a face covering for teething toddlers. Very clever if that is it’s purpose. The friendly staff informed us that the jewellery is still being stocked but should be available in a few days. Basically, the place is chock full of gorgeous things you have absolutely no need for but nevertheless want to own. Or give as a gift. 

As we were down in that neck of the woods we thought we’d check out PSS’s neighbour, ‘The Hound Hut’, which for the longest time we mistook for an emporium specialising in S&M/Bondage/Fetish gear.  As it turns out the array of collars, leads, chew toys and tiny cages are not for humans at all but indeed for canines, and there are items for all sizes and breed of dogs.  They stock a large range of meat based treats and training sticks which looked delicious even to this human. Doggy toys are dominant, but the real feature is gourmet dog food, with a whole wall dedicated to the stuff in a kind of mash up of Iceland meets Harrods Food Halls. The staff at Hound Hut are huge dog lovers and can offer advice on just about everything.

Pretty Shiny Shop and The Hound Hut are Clapham Road just beyond Oval Tube and near 24 the Oval. Of course these independent shops have a strong online presence and you can also show your local pride by shopping there.  

Cleanup on Aisle 5!

Today, and perhaps only for today, Greater Kennington has well and truly cleaned up as it is the proud recipient of the newest Tesco on earth! At the Runoff we champion the underdog and Tesco is exactly the opposite of that, but it is nevertheless a crucial part of our community. So much so that we reached out to Tesco to ask if we could cut the ribbon this morning. When they didn’t get back to us we sent them a handwritten letter and asked again, including the term ‘influencers’,  and we even CIRCLED THE WORD! 

They must be very busy….

As much as we adored the diminutive ‘Tesco in the carpark’ it is now the stuff of history. The footprint of our new Tesco is much bigger than the carpark version but a little bit smaller than our previous shop. The aisles are wider than the previous Tesco, minimising the risk of buggy collision and allowing for our expanded lockdown backsides. It is well lit and well signposted and amenities include a very user friendly pharmacy, loads of self checkouts, a bakery that is better than before, and larger than before selection of booze. They seem to be showcasing a disturbingly large array of meringue nests and sauces at the minute so if that’s your fetish you’re  in luck. 

If you are a regular Runoff reader (and if not then you should be) you’ll be aware that this opening  is the first phase of the new and very drawn out development at Oval Village, the final stage being completed in 2028. The largest gasholder will be filled with flats (we call this ‘life behind bars’) and the rest a mixed use affair of flats and businesses.  Something we cheerily refer to as ‘UptownKenVo’. 

I AM ERROR at Gasworks

Today we attended the first day of the thought provoking exhibit I AM ERROR at Gasworks Gallery in Oval/Vauxhall by young artist Bassam Al-Sabah. Al-Sabah’s family were exiled from Baghdad to Dublin during the Persian Gulf War and this work, largely CGI and video based, explores themes of metamorphosis, change, adaptation, perseverance and reinvention.

The main gallery (there are only two) explores constructions of masculinity in what appear to be action adventure video games from the 90’s mixed in with a few papier mache heads and flies on the floor. The centrepiece is a 28 minute looped immersive film depicting a man being contorted by various forces out of his control, and this continues in the next room. The effect is strangely calming and introspective. The press release describes it as combining ‘fantasy erotica and body horror’. 

Recently we’ve all been exposed to change and transformation that has been out of our control, from the bulldozing and recreation of Elephant and Vauxhall to a virus that has altered our reality and lifestyles beyond recognition. And after eating takeaways for the past 18 months most of us have experienced a bit of ‘body horror’ ourselves, so we can all relate.

Gasworks is open Wednesday to Sunday from 12 to 6 and is totally free and air conditioned. And if you look on their website there are other free events to make you feel cultural and superior to your neighbours. 

Conuco Venezuelan

Venezuela has been in the news for all the wrong reasons recently, but not due to their cuisine. We recently took a break from the incessant drone of faxes, dial-ups, mimeographs and the background clatter of ‘Loose Women’ at KR towers to take in a leisurely lunch at new joint ‘Conuco’ in Oval and we’re here to give you the score. 

The specialities of Conuco are arepas and empanadas. Arepas is a kind of one handed sandwich made of ground maize dough and can be filled with meat or veg, and at Conuco stuffed with cheese. Empanadas are more well known in the UK (especially if you’ve been to Borough Market) and pretty pervasive at the moment. For those not in the know, they are fried turnovers stuffed with a variety of items such as cheese, chorizo, chicken or shredded beef.

On our visit we had a arepas with pulled beef and a white cheese called ‘costeno’. As you can see, the sandwich was rammed with dripping, shredded beef and towards the end we had to deploy the use of a fork. As it was a hot and sweaty day we had the local drink ‘papelon con limon’, which was a pleasing lemon/orange. A very spicy and peppery sauce and a green sauce with coriander were served with it either to dip or slather over the meat. 

The total came to just over £7, and filled us up until dinner. Conuco has wifi and has a good relaxing vibe and very friendly staff. Eat in or if it’s nice take your grub to Kennington Park. That way if your stuffing falls out you don’t have to clean it up and you’ve just made friends with all the local pigeons and dogs who will soon swirl around you. 

We’re messy eaters. Don’t judge us.

The Kennington/Oval Gas Holders

Frequent Runoff readers will be aware that over the past two years we’ve taken a keen interest in the development at Oval Village, or as we call it ‘UpTown KenVo’. On our visits we’ve challenged an architect who was exhibiting the buildings by use of wooden blocks to a game of Jenga, and during an illustration of how the flats will look inside the remaining gasholder we asked another architect if their design aesthetic was to give residents a taste of life behind bars. 

Last week we had a tour of the Oval Village site and please see the highly professional video below. This involved a lateral flow test, hazmat suit and the indignity of  donning what appeared to be Ugg boots from 2010. Our primary objective was to ascertain when the new Tesco would be open and whether it will have a cheese counter the fate of the two Victorian gas holders and how much noise will be created as the site is levelled. We need to accept that Oval Village will soon be a part of our cherished terrain, but hopefully it can be improved with a bit of your helpful feedback.

Our tour was conducted by the community engagement officer and the project director. They explained that the two smaller gas holders (circa1873) will be removed over the next few weeks and the wrought iron will be recycled. The beautiful Phoenix seals will be removed and preserved in some fashion. The officer would not be drawn on where or how this would happen, however. The tanks are full of millions of gallons of sludge and they will be sucked out and removed. And in case you’re not aware, the gasholder that will remain is the largest one that overlooks the cricket ground. It is now listed and will have flats built inside of it. Hence our comment about life behind bars. 

When you enter the site the first thing you notice is just have massive it is. It’s also raised several metres higher than the land around it and the project manager explained that the elevation was created in order to accommodate the gas tanks. Over the next few years this soil will be incrementally removed and taken away via Montford Place and then up Kennington Lane to the river. This will take place in the daytime, apparently. And for those of you wondering about the height of the buildings, the tallest will be 17 floors. The building underway now, Phoenix Court, is not quite topped out (check us out with the lingo) but will be in a few months. We were assured that the buildings will have a community feel and the space between Kennington Lane and The Oval will be open to the public. 

If you want any more information the community engagement officer Richard Daley at richard.caley@berkeleygroup.co.uk or project director Graham Cook at community@berkeleygroup.co.uk

And for those of who still have the yearning question of ‘when will be new Tesco be open’, the answer is 12 AUGUST! The site manager would not be drawn about the possibility of a cheese counter, however. Enjoy our nifty video below.