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North Lambeth Parish Fete

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Hosted in collaboration with Daniel Cobb Estate Agents and none other than the Holy Ghost himself, the North Lambeth Parish Fete is coming up this Saturday, and we will certainly be there (we’ve actually never been but more on that later). The Fete is a big event in the Greater Kennington social calendar and very inclusive. It’s now bigger and better than ever, and the weather looks pleasing indeed.

On a very rare occasion we visited the gardens of Lambeth Palace and they’re stunning, extensive and almost never open to the public. The price of a ticket itself (£5) justifies a wander around, and no booking is required.  According to our sources, the Fete is kid friendly but not exclusively, and is known for its dog show and features prizes, including fastest sausage eater and least obedient (we assume these prizes are for the dogs and not humans). There is also a raffle, face painting, St. Anselm’s Junior Choir, and races for the kids. If you don’t have kids there’s a Pimms tent to keep you sane. And if you do have kids there’s a Pimms tent to keep you sane, run by the great Black Prince pub. And there are a number of great local food stalls looking pretty delish on the website. And you even get the chance to watch old white dudes throw serviettes in the air.

We haven’t been to this little Fete before as it always clashes with our team building weekend at Glastonbury. Unfortunately the Runoff Manadarins have called a day on this small kernel of happiness following an incident two years ago in which we asked Phil from accounts to fetch the ciders during Billie Eilish, only to found him two days later face down behind the ‘Sonic Wow’ dance tent. And some excuse about us not remembering anything about team building when we return. Such is the stress of working here. 

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Metropolis London

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If you dare venture into other neighbourhoods, you might have detected that big venues full of small eateries are now well established. An example is Market Place in Vauxhall which we reviewed in 2022. With  Railtrack’s mission of gentrifying the gays out of the Vauxhall arches now nearing it’s completion, we felt compelled to visit enormous Metropolis London in Albert Embankment.  While Metropolis itself is far from independent it’s food stalls definitely are, and here is what we found.

We took new intern and overall zippy gal Beth for a working lunch. As Beth is on a health kick, she headed over to the Curry Club  and chose the dahl with spinach and paratha. At £6.99 this has to be one of the bargains of the Metropolis food options (which aren’t exactly cheap). As you can see, it was a small but adequate serving of a luscious dahl with good spice and coconut coming through and it is served with two whole parathas, providing plenty of that flaky, stretchy Indian flatbread to soak everything up. She pronounced it to be very good indeed and a terrific lunch option.

Your scribe headed for the curiously named Uzbeki place ‘Shpaz’, which Beth observed is the sound that a tiny dog makes when it pops out of a posh lady’s handbag and sneezes. For £10 we had the Lag Nam chicken noodles. Served in a rich broth, this healthy option featured hand pulled noodles, carrots, celery, peppers and what tasted like barberries and dried coriander. Very light and satisfying.   Other cuisines at Metropolis include Italian, Thai, burgers, pizza, Japanese and Greek. And of course poke bowls, as it is now illegal to have a food village without one. 

We are aware that these look like dishes that could be served in a prison canteen but….
photographing food is very difficult!

Metropolis occupies two huge arches and there are plenty of tables both outside and in. Outside features a cute coffee/pasty hut which also serves pints. The second arch is dominated by a massive bar and a stage to appeal to an evening crowd. While it is very sad that thanks to Railtrack independent LGBTQI+ assets such as Above the Stag theatre have gone to that giant curtain call in the sky, at least there are some independent shops of a fashion opening up in their place. 

Barbarella and FlourishFest

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We have two very different events taking place in Greater Kennington this weekend which, to say the least, appeal to divergent crowds. This is fortunate as they’re happening at exactly the same time. 

This first is taking place at the glorious Cinema Museum, and is perhaps the most kitsch and camp film of all time; Barbarella. Jane Fonda plays Barbarella, who is sent from earth in the year 4000 to find scientist Durand Durand and crash lands on a distant planet only to be constrained by children with mechanical dolls. After escaping, Barbarella finds herself in Sogo where a new sin is created every hour. In Sogo she comes across a sex organ keyboard, a lesbian queen who can make her dreams come true, and a group of ladies who dispense the Essence of Man through a giant hookah pipe. Sounds like a normal day in the Runoff office. 

If you’re struggling to find Barbarella even remotely plausible, it will be introduced by means of a curated talk beforehand. The film also has a banging 60’s soundtrack. Barbarella is on Sunday, 19 May at 14:00 and tickets can be nabbed here. It will be shown on it’s original 1968 Technicolor print. We have no idea what this means but it must be important because its on their website. 

Roots and Shoots is a wonderful UNESCO award winning charity and vocational hub dedicated to educating disaffected young people aged 16 -25 in Lambeth and Southwark and preparing them for the world of work through one year internships in areas such as horticulture and retail. We wrote about them in 2019. It’s also a green space for urban biodiversity and is frequently visited by school groups eager to learn more about plants and gardening. 

This weekend is Roots and Shoots charity spring festival, FlourishFest, which sounds like great fun. There will be happenings for all ages such as beekeeper demonstrations, food stalls, printmaking and art workshops. We think most of our readers don’t have little kids (rather, we hope they don’t) so with these events we always road test them for adults. There are a number of activities just for us grownups such a talk on sustainable gardening, growing things in small spaces, and a guerrilla gardening and seed bomb making workshop (now that sounds fun), and a talk on peat free gardening. 


FlourishFest is on Sunday, 19 May from 11:00 to 14:00. Admission is just £3 for adults and £1 for kids. We’re unsure if a sex organ keyboard will make an appearance but as this is Greater Kennington anything could happen. 

Crossing the Thames (or not)

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For those of you who are in the enviable position of being free in the daytime, or are just unemployed, we’ve unearthed a fascinating sounding walk along the Lambeth side of the Thames called ‘Crossing the Thames’ (don’t worry there is no actual crossing to the scary north side). 

Our patch of north Lambeth was created by bridges and horse drawn ferries across the Thames. This nerdy yet captivating sounding walk tells the told and untold stories of crossings across the river and how they changed our community. Also included will be useless but very trivia such as why the bridges are painted in certain colours. 

If walking around pointing at bridges isn’t exactly your vibe, Lambeth Tour Guides also have a range of other fascinating sounding walks around our patch and further afield. Of particular note is ‘Unseen Vauxhall’ on 13 June which we might just attend. And no points for finding us as you don’t know what we look like. 

This walk was supposed to take place next week, but has been postponed until 7 June owing to rail action. Tickets can be scored for £12 here. Trust us, we tried to get you good people a discount using our line ‘but don’t you know -we’re INFLUENCERS’! However, this rarely works and is often met with outright derision.  

The Tommyfield

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As all of the Runoff staff love a bargain, we recently paid a visit to the Tommyfield pub in Kennington Cross to take advantage of their £45 for 2 steak and Malbec night, which is available on Wednesdays and Saturdays. We invited Karen from Finance to dine with us as we have a lot of time for her, and she needed a night out after some  damaging comments about her Excel skills.

We started with some sourdough and olives (not included) which were a perfect complement to what was upcoming. The steak options are rump and sirloin and your scribe chose the latter as it costs more and therefore created an increased thrill of saving money. The options for sauce are chimichurri, peppercorn or blue cheese, and the peppercorn was chosen for its sharp, gravy like tangyness. Both steaks were served rare and we were pleased with the result: It was a good quality steak, browned on the outside and just pink enough in the middle. And a big slab for what you’re paying. 

On sides front, your scribe had a creamy, buttery mash and Karen had the chunky chips, describing them as not too chunky, crisp yet fluffy, and the rocket salad was particularly well dressed . She chose the chimichurri sauce and was quite proud that the bit of Argentina on the plate matched nicely with the lovely and full bodied Argentinean Malbec (which is £28 itself) – Finca La Colonia. In fact, so enthusiastic was Karen that she proclaimed, while in the middle of chewing her rare stake, ‘this is so amazing that I’ve totally forgotten about those spreadsheet comments’. OK. 

The Tommyfield is run by independent south London based Three Cheers Pubs, who run eight other swishy yet beautiful pubs, mostly in Clapham/Balham. A few years ago we met the owners at a pub wine tasting that we snuck into attended and they love what they do. So next time you’re considering Kennington Cross pub options, give them a try as we love the little guy as opposed to a pub run by a mega chain (without saying names, it’s that one across street with outdoor seating). 

The Tommyfield also have a star studded and cracking comedy night that we frequent where we’ve seen the talents of Harry Hill (he was there only this week), Joe Lycett and Aisling Bea. And the punters look like they just stepped off the set of ‘The Apprentice’, which is half the whole event.

And if steak isn’t your thing, they have two other special nights as well…

Walcot Stores

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In Greater Kennington we are blessed with a complement of independent coffee shops such as Change Please in Elephant Park, Kennington Coffee Shop, Urban Botanica, newbie Capheum, and of course the mighty Bouquets and Beans. We’re proud to announce another has joined our serried ranks and is located in an oft looked overlooked part of our area, at the top of Walcot Square near Brook Drive. 

We made our surreptitious trip to Walcot Stores coffee shop on a Sunday morning. On the Lords’ day it’s difficult to entice Runoff staff to work, so we asked our accounts guru and self confessed party boy Phil if he’d like to join us for ‘a drink or two’ on Sunday morning. He arrived looking confused and crestfallen, but willing to act as our additional pair of eyes. Walcot is very clean, bright, and inviting. They sell gift cards and crafting things, with chirpy owner Millie defining her gaff as a ‘creative café’. She also confirmed it as a place where people can take a break if they want to work outside of the home. Dogs are allowed. 

We came for a caffeine kick, and Phil had an Americano which he described as rich and smooth, and your scribe had an Earl Grey. A variety of milk and substitutes were also offered, and presented in 60’s retro crockery. Of special interest were the fresh and tasty pastries. Phil had the GF coconut and almond ‘mini mouthful’, where your scribe opted for a blueberry oat crumble bar. The bar was moist and sweet with a big hit of ground almond. There were a range of good looking pastries with Millie explaining that savoury items, such as overnight oats and foccacia bread, are also available. Isn’t this sounding so of the moment! 

Walcott Stores is located in an old neighbourhood grocery shop and we have stolen unearthed a photo from its earlier incarnation, below. Walcot is a fine place to work, catch up with friends, or grab a quick coffee/bite on the go. And Phil, if you’re reading this, we hope you’ve taken away a valuable lesson from this experience, as things aren’t always what they appear to be. Except quality coffee.   

Ten Best Places to Eat in Greater Kennington # 9

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+ One Sunday Roast

The Jolly Gardeners

If this looks familiar then you’re correct, as we posted this a month ago. The Gardeners are the second best Sunday Roast and have popped in at number nine. But who’s on top?

For purposes relating to our very scientific yet hugely subjective top ten list of best places to eat in Greater Kennington, we recently paid an overdue visit to Jolly Gardeners pub in Black Prince Road after Karen from Finance kept banging on about their Sunday roast. 

Karen opted for the silverside beef and it was very full flavoured but at the chewier end of roast beef options, so not to all tastes. The real success of her meal was the varied and abundant sides. Had more than one person been having a roast plate then these would have been served family-style for sharing. In Karen’s case, she simply had a very full plate. The accompaniments were totally top notch: mixed colour carrots, parsnips, savoy cabbage, sweet potato mash, and decent roasties. The Yorkshire pudding was plump and homemade (we looked for Aunt Bessie under the table and she was nowhere to be found). We were pleased to see that the Gardeners no longer serve beef from retired cows. While more ethical, we felt bad for those poor bovines who managed to spend their entire lives not being turned into a juicy steak or decorative belt, only for THIS TO HAPPEN. 

Your scribe decided to go vegetarian and have a wild mushroom, sweet potato, and Guinness pie. The Guinness took the sweetness edge off the potatoes, which was desired, and a little nicked gravy from Karen was an added addition. It was served in a little jug that was very appealing. This pleasing portion had notes of thyme and of course the added nuttiness of the mushroom. All told, it was plenty of food and carefully prepared. These are high end roasts, which at £21 – £24 they should be. Sometimes it is worth paying for quality.

The Gardeners also operate the petite upmarket food shop Ginger Provisions next door, in addition to great lunch spot Simply Bread which we reviewed in 2022. When we asked the 25 year old sandwich barista if he was aware that the shop name rhymes with a washed up 80’s pop band, he stared at us with a mix of confusion and pity, but we’ll ignore that.

Necropolis Railway

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From the archives, the fourth of our month of best history posts

If you’ve ever spotted this rather grand looking building at 121 Westminster Bridge Road you might have wondered what function it once served. For the first half of the 20th century, dear reader, this was the London Necropolis railway station and has been referred to as ‘the strangest and spookiest railway line in British history’.  

In the first half of the 19th  century London’s population surged from one million to almost 2 1/2 million. Churchyards were running out of space to bury the dead and something had to be done, so a plan was hatched by two enterprising men to purchase land near Woking for an enormous cemetery. The idea was that it was far enough away to prevent the bodies from posing a threat to public health, but close enough to let grieving relatives attend funerals without too much hassle. The icing on the cake being that a Waterloo to Woking line had just opened up. 

As you can imagine, people at Waterloo were none too keen on seeing corpses and mourners whizz by as they sat in their 19th century Starbucks, so a separate train station was built behind Waterloo in what is now Leake St. The building was specially designed for mourners and had private waiting rooms, restaurants, and first to third class services. One could depart with their recently departed in the morning, attend a weepy funeral midday, and be back by teatime.  Talk about Victorian multitasking.

The Original

By the end of the 19th century Waterloo station was expanding and  Necropolis station had to be moved. In 1902 the station found it’s present home and out of respect to the dearly departed the builders wanted to make it as attractive as a funeral director’s office, so few expenses were spared. The line was eventually shifting almost 2000 corpses a year until the line was damaged in WW2, and a decision was made to consign it to history, like the many souls it escorted. 

The railway service proved so popular that it even had it’s own rolling stock. However, the reason for this could actually be that if folks knew they had bought a ticket for a train used to carry dead people they could feel like they’d been, well, ‘stiffed’. 

And if you’re still curious, someone has even found enough time to write a book about our little railway to the other side.

The New Gallery at IWM

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Last week we attended the gala opening* of the spanking new Blavatnik Art, Film and Photography Galleries at the best museum we bet you’ve never been to, our very own Imperial War Museum. This permanent gallery is a valued addition to the Greater Kennington cultural landscape (it’s a thing, trust us) and includes works by Henry Moore, John Singer Sargent, Walter Sickert, Cecil Beaton, and Wyndham Lewis to name but a few. 

The galleries are laid out by themes and are chronological, from WW1 to 21st century conflicts. As with the other display areas at IWM, these new galleries don’t seek to glorify war but rather to explain it and how it can be avoided. This is achieved by a captivating mix of propaganda posters, photographs (the gallery own 12 million),  armaments, film clips, cameras, and first hand accounts. But the great achievement here are the paintings, with the highlight being the recently restored work ‘Gassed’ by Sargent (below). We could have probably spent several days in the gallery’s two screening rooms but the Runoff overlords would have none of it. The reel of clips range from footage of the D-day landings to advice about how to make a wartime compost heap. 

Gassed

Rather than being a historical record, the galleries include current work showcasing the conspicuous talent of artists such as Steve McQueen (the Oscar winning artist, not the formerly living action hero). He’s represented here by his artwork ‘Queen and Country’. Also in the mix are descriptions of anti war protests, marches, and attempts to avoid war. This is interesting in its own right, but especially when  considering the complex dynamics of what is transpiring in Gaza and Israel at the moment. But a celebration of war artists and photographers is the beating heart of these expansive and well thought out galleries.

You might be reading this and thinking that the IWM is nationalistic and not your cup of chai. We get that, but we are duly challenging you to get your Guardian reading, tofu buying  selves over to the IWM when you have a spare hour of two.  And as you’ll be in the neighbourhood anyway, why not check out the fascinating exhibit about spies and deception that we wrote about a few weeks ago? Did we mention that they have a stonking café with pretty cakes and sarnies? 

*We coincidently pitched up the day it opened 

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The Casual Ward of Kennington

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On a recent meander down Wincott Street in north Kennington we noticed an unusual Victorian building looking not unlike a prison, which prompted us to pull out (nerd alert!) an old Ordnance Survey map. This building was constructed to be a ‘casual ward’, or a very temporary home for homeless people passing through our manor. 

Before 1930 terminally homeless people were a not uncommon site in Greater Kennington. Casual wards were constructed close to workhouses, and we have written about the Lambeth workhouse before, which is around the corner from the casual ward and was once the home of Charlie Chaplin. While workhouses were places for local people (like the Chaplin family) to live while they got back on their feet and perhaps learned a trade, casual wards were intended for the totally destitute of no fixed address to stay for one night, so no one was committed to their help. 

Conditions in our Lambeth casual ward were pretty terrible and people had to work extremely hard for a night in conditions barely better than the street from where they came.  As their clothes were being fumigated, the inmates bathed collectively by gender and were then put to work. It is debateable as to what this work actually entailed, but was something like potato peeling for the frail or back breaking splitting of stones for the more able bodied. Folks didn’t even get to partake in the potatoes they were peeling, as dinner in the casual ward consisted of a kind of gruel made of dried oats, making the Lambeth Workhouse look comfortable by comparison. 

To gain insight for his seminal work ‘Down and Out in London and Paris’, George Orwell visited casual wards very similar to the one that remains in Kennington today, and specific excerpts from the book can be found here. These remnants of social history are evaporating in the mind boggling dynamic changes we are encountering in Greater Kennington (Nine Elms being a prime example). However, with a nose around our patch you might make some discoveries yourselves if you’re clever and observant. And of course you are, as you’re reading this. 

If rock splitting or potato peeling is a specific fetish of yours then you’re in luck. Casual wards, or ‘spikes’ as they were colloquially known, have their own Spike Heritage Centre in Guildford! Probably not the most cheery day out, but you can twin it with a local pub or a twirl around the Surrey Hills.