Return of the Duck

Many moons ago you might recall some amphibious tourist vessels that would launch from the side of MI6 in Vauxhall and then transform from car to boat. So small were they that we often mistook them for a very large person out for a swim or a caravan that toppled into the Thames. But just what became of them? Well the slipway from which it embarked was taken over by Thames water in 2017 and the little boats became a thing of the past. But with work now complete they’re making a comeback in early 2026!

The press release states that the landlord of the slipway is the Duchy of Cornwall, aka Prince William, and he’s apparently ‘given his blessing’ for the cruises to return. We can easily see Wills calling up Big Duck Tours and saying something like ‘is this Big Duck? Well, they’re done with the turd tunnel now so you can bring the boats back. Bye’. While on the ground be busses cover most of the big sites before heading down the Vauxhall riviera to float down the Thames to St. Pauls. And by no means do you have to be a tourist to undertake this fun activity even if it does look like you’re about to sink to a watery grave.

If you have nothing better to do, the new space in front of MI6 has been dubbed the ‘Isle of Effra’ and was created to cover the source of the Thames supersewer. The crowning achievement of said turd tunnel are several very clever benches made to look like toilets. And the tunnel under Vauxhall Bridge is now open. For many years we would end our nightly monthly runs from Battersea to Waterloo at Vauxhall because the subway was closed and we maintained the flimsy/whimsical excuse that it was too dangerous to cross the road. Progress comes at a cost.

Eat the Sunshine, Down the Sun

We imagine many of you have recently been saying ‘so just WHEN will a Filipino burrito bar/artspace/coffee joint with beer ever come to Kennington Cross’? Well the wait is over and we’ve just been blessed with  ‘Eat the Sunshine, Down the Sun’, which has replaced the not very good Café 303 in Kennington Cross.  ETSDTS reached out for a meeting to tell us a bit more about their venture, but of course we don’t take requests as that would make us no different to a DJ. Instead we submitted some questions to see if they reached the threshold of a clandestine yet glamorous visit from the Observer. And they have.

First things first ETSDTS —- we are LOVING the name. Eat the Sunshine refers to the café on the ground floor and Down the Sun to the gallery in the basement. ETSDTS is similar in nature to burrito fast food joints such as Tortilla or Chipotle (but cheaper) in that you pick your bowl/burrito and then build it according to your wishes. Down the Sun refers to the artspace downstairs. It was previously the kitchen and toilets of Café 303, and possessed a distinct aroma of ammonia and wet cat hair. It has now been transformed into a fragrant pop up gallery until 22 Nov featuring the sonic work of Cameron Graham. The artist is usually in residence in the evening.

Karen from Finance, resplendent in her Mounjaro shine, opted for a very healthy chicken salad bowl. The chicken was served as a whole thigh, brushed with lemongrass and oil. Added to the dish was an assortment of extras including pickled onions, corn salsa and papaya with a soy/vinegar dressing. It was all very wholesome and well seasoned. Karen declaimed, whilst excavating an onion from between her teeth ‘its just perfect for those on weight reducing injections’. Your scribe indulged in a burrito with braised pork belly glazed in a tangy soy sauce. With the extras, the overall tasting notes were rich and a bit spicy with the onions acting as a sweet counterbalance. This is Filipino food made from the heart.

ETSDTS is owned and operated by Sam, Nikki, and Angela. On our visit Sam and Nikki were working on the line with their lovely 6 year daughter (she wasn’t working). And of course a café in Kennington Cross wouldn’t be a café if it didn’t cater to caffeine addictions, and it has a number of cakes, coffees, and teas for the morning folk. ETDTS is open from 9:00 – 14:00 Tues to Sun for burritos and coffee.  For burritos and beer they open again from 17:00 – 23:00 Wed-Sat. We’re not sure how many local folk are drinking beer and buying art at 11pm on a weeknight, but let’s make this happen!

Kenny Needs Your Help!

Tucked away in a discreet corner of Kennington Park we have a proper, retro 1970’s skatepark complete with retro graffiti. Its name is Kenny, and it once saw local kids flipping and flying, but today poor little Kenny is now abandoned and resembles that fun fair from every Scooby Doo * episode and it needs your help.

In between vigorous hand washings in April, 2021 we made time to have a socially distanced meeting with the Friends of Kennington Park. After a lot of work by the Friends, in 2024 Lambeth Council agreed to overhaul the skatepark and open it to the public. You can read about the history of the skatepark and our chat here.

Fast forward to 2025 and Lambeth has decided against restoring the skatepark due to a loss of revenue from central government. The Friends have started a Change.org campaign to restore the funds and they need your help. The petition can be found here.

We’re not taking a position on this, which is unheard of given it involves Lambeth Council.  On the one hand, there’s supposed to be a viewing area at Kenny, so it would be fun for us non skaters to cheer as they fly out of the bowl and almost crack a rib in writing pain  perform gravity defying acts. However, in spite of their foibles, Lambeth needs money to help the most vulnerable in our midst, such a children. The choice is yours, but its even been in ITV!

* Gez Z’s – Scooby Doo was a cartoon from a long time ago.

A Celebration of Oval Farmers Market – the Antidote to Tesco

When we were forced to come into the office on Saturdays during the Pandemic our only source of human contact was either in chugging Heineken out of a plastic milk bottle in Kennington Cross or at Oval Farmers Market. In those heady ‘don’t touch me’ days the market snaked around St. Mark’s Church and was quite a force to be reckoned with. Owing to a number of factors, mostly rising rents, the market is much more proscribed than it used to be and we fear that it’s future could be in peril. This is where you come in.

Oval Farmer’s Market has a great range of fruit and veg, in addition to a great fishmonger (in a BOAT!), cheese stalls, lots of sweet stuff, bread, olives, chicken, and lovely decorative things like earrings.  In addition to French/Caribbean food truck Bokit’la. We of all people realise that the market isn’t exactly cheap, but the fruit and veg are priced competitively and it’s never a bad time to treat yourself to live organic fermented fennel!

Oval Farmers Market is open every Saturday from 10am to 3pm and is across the street from Oval tube. And remember, Oval Farmers Market needs you. Tesco does not need you. Not even the upcoming M&S Foodhall in the new Elephant shopping centre needs you. 

Return of the Living Dead at the Cinema Museum

Fancy catching a film on Saturday night (25 Oct)? Over at the Cinema Museum they’ll be screening the schlock horror/comedy/camp classic ‘Return of the Living Dead’. The name describes perfectly the endless blind dates some office staff have endured over the years, which left us wishing that we too were blind.

Described as ‘celluloid Rock n Roll trash’, the plot of the film involves some very naughty corpses who are brought back to life after toxic gas enters the air. The only thing that makes the zombies feel better about having been stuck in a coffin for all those years is eating people’s brains. Having had their brains eaten, the otherwise kindly townfolk become zombies themselves and then everything gets very messy indeed.  The film ends (spoiler alert) by the town being wiped out my a nuclear weapon, which must have been a real downer for those still fighting for their lives. The film has a great ‘80’s post punk sountrack.

In case you’re not in the loop, the Cinema Museum is housed in the former administration block of Lambeth Workhouse, which we wrote about in 2019. The building would have been the dropping off place for a destitute Charlie Chaplin and his mum and many others on hard times. The museum has a packed collection of film related ephemera including posters, projectors, scary mannequins, scripts, costumes and lights. Your ticket to this talk will allow you to whiz through some of the museum, which is rarely open to the public. And yes, the place has a fully stocked bar (as we know what you lot are like).

If you’re unable to attend this film but nevertheless possess a burning urge to see the living dead, we suggest you pop over to Vauxhall nightclub ‘Fire’ after it closes on a Sunday morning as the dazed zombies emerge. We call them ‘fire damage’. If you can go, good for you snd you can nab tickets here.

Fun Talks At Durning Library

Durning library in Kennington Cross has a series of periodic talks which are a good way to build brain cells. We adore the simple community hall feel of these events (scones! Tea! Wine!) as it takes us back to a halcyon world 20 years and 200 miles north of Greater Kennington, where you didn’t have to worry getting mowed down by a Lime bike on the pavement after sidestepping the remains of car parts from a fatal accident.  

On 20 October the library will be host to a talk by Philip Norman about the Manning photo archive, which we wrote about a few months ago. Until very recently the Manning’s studio was in Windmill Row, Kennington Cross and when it ceased to exist they donated 500,000 slides to the Lambeth Archives. The Manning’s were jobbing photographers so most of the photos were commissioned by the people depicted in them, in addition to a few random celebrities. Also in the mix are also some intriguing shots of Greater Kennington and beyond from days gone by. Lots of amazing ideas if your Halloween look is ‘Barbara Windsor going to a dance in 1965’. Admission is £3, bless.

As part of Black Heritage Month, on 17 Nov. the library will be hosting Nicola Walker as she talks about her new book ‘Killer Instincts’. Walker is a barrister and now a Crown Court judge. Using her experiences to give the book thrilling authenticity, it follows underdog barrister Lee Mitchell as he pursues justice in a tale that also explores the complex interplay of race, class and authority. We here at the Observer know quite a bit about killer instincts as it’s the feeling we have every time we look at our payslip.

This event is a month away so put it in that diary we’ve always been telling you to get. This event is free, so just turn up. If you happen to be the OCD type you can book a free ticket via the link to Nicola above.

Triple Trouble at Newport St. Gallery

In what can only be seen as a landmark event in the cultural annals of Greater Kennington, We’ve just attended the blockbuster show ‘Triple Trouble’ over at the Newport Street Gallery in Vauxhall(ish).

Triple Trouble is collaboration of mostly new works between Invader (responsible for the Space Invader mosaics), Shepard Fairley (responsible for the Obama ‘Hope’ and OBEY brand) and Damien Hirst (responsible for dead flies and severed cow heads in formaldehyde). If you think you haven’t seen the work of Invader and Fairley then you’re wrong as they have deeply penetrated the pop universe over the past twenty years. There’s even a fake Invader next to ‘Samsun Kebab’ Kennington Cross.

This exhibit gets right to the point, and in Room 1 we’re face to face with an inviting mix of the sinister and the playful. We see Hirst’s ubiquitous medicine cabinet filled with happy Space Invaders, a bloodied Sid Vicious looking at Hirst/Invader’s serene one eyed Mandala. We then move on to Fairley’s ubiquitous Andre the Giant given a softer tone by Hirst’s blossoms, following on to a lively space invader trapped in, you guessed it, formaldehyde.

Upstairs you begin to understand that the thread that unites these artists is Punk, anarchy, and anyone/thing anti-establishment in the 1970’s. There are some arresting sculptures on this floor dealing with nuclear war, the essence of rebellion and works that make you reflect on yourself. And at the very end we find a very ironic sculpture by Hirst depicting divers discovering gold in the guise of the works we have just seen.

Newport St. usually operates as a commercial gallery and all of the works in this exhibit are for sale, and prints are available online. So you might be saying to us ‘Observer, but am I just seeing a bunch of wealthy men cashing in on their fame to suck yet more money out of people’? Our answer is ‘OF COURSE YOU ARE’! But Triple Trouble is totally free and a great way to build some brain matter. So it’s a bit like reading this blog, but without severed heads.

Triple Trouble is on now until 26 March. So you have not excuse.

The Observer Visits the International Maritime Organization

As Part of Open House London week, we recently paid a much desired visit to the mysterious International Maritime Organization (IMO) in Albert Embankment. We knew we’d struggle to find an office colleague to join us on this rather nerdy outing, so the subject of the email was ‘who’d like to go cruising in Vauxhall’? Without even reading the email, we received quite a few confirmations from our male staff and, to our surprise, a few females. They were a bit crestfallen when we met in front of that giant ship’s bow sticking out of the Albert Embankment pavement.

The IMO is a specialised agency of the United Nations and is the global authority responsible for setting standards for the safety, security and environmental requirements of ships. The core of their work is concentrated on safety at sea (eg hijackings), cooperation, and ensuring that standards are united to maximise ship to port interface. Their work increasingly focusses on greenhouse gasses and sustainable shipping. And no, this doesn’t include the crisis you experienced on your Tenerife cruise when the umbrella flew out of your cocktail and landed in the sea.

The IMO building is from 1983 and has a delightful brown and smoked glass chandelier aura which had us humming to ‘Karma Chameleon’ as we strolled through the corridors with an increasingly dejected staff group. There’s a core group of administrators who work full time in the building and their work is primarily to organise 20 delegate meetings and to receive over 10,000 people a year. This is a daunting task, especially when considering the translation services it demands. When we entered the assembly hall it reminded us of a diminutive United Nations with the country names in front of the delegates. Paul, finally perking up, lowered the tone by yelling ‘oh my god, this is just like EUROVISION!’.

To be brutally honest, as we left the IMO it dawned on us that we knew about as much about this cryptic place as when we came in. However, armed with all the facts and objectives outlined above, we hope it has enlightened yourselves more than it did our staff, who hopefully topped off their Sunday with a bit of cruising of their own. We don’t judge.

The Book Elephant

Now that it’s fully up and running, we’ve made a return visit to The Book Elephant in Sayer Street. In 2019 we attended a consultation on the street hosted by builder Lendlease. They informed us that Sayer St. would be lined with independent shops such this very bookstore. Well, Joe and the Juice and, god help us, Gail’s Bakery must have nodded off at that point in the presentation because they’ve just rocked up. More on this sad news later.

Owner Tomasz Wrobel has wanted to open a bookshop since her arrived in the UK from Poland 20 years ago. He chose the Elephant due to its rich history, vibrancy, and diversity (flattery will get you everywhere, Tomasz). The shop has a large fiction section, true crime, science, travel, children’s books, LGBT+, and quite a range of left leaning political books. They also sell cards, bookmarks, and book related gifts. They sell tea and coffee and have a small seating area where you can enjoy your new purchase. You can also order books and they arrive in two days. Take that Amazon.

We’ve deduced that the secret trick undertaken by developers like Lendlease and Berkeley is that they initially rent to appealing small businesses and when most of the flats are sold they jack up the rent and before you know it you’re stuck with a megachain bakery. Why this is relevant is that small businesses like The Book Elephant need our trade now more than ever. So you have your mission, dear readers!

400 Rabbits

Located in the heart of trendy Elephant Park, Karen from Finance and your scribe find ourselves revisiting pizza palace 400 Rabbits, the newest in a south London collection of four pizzerias. Going for the youthful and fun market (us), the design aesthetic at 400 Rabbits is very much ‘post industrial meets aisle 6 at Ikea’. From the outset service was similarly bright and welcoming with tap water freely offered. When we discovered the negronis were only £6.50 we ditched the water and we can report that said negronis  had the precise bittersweet bite you expect of the drink, served simply in a small glass with ice and no faff. Lots of other cocktails are available. As we’re journalists of the classiest ilk, with the negronis we enjoyed delicious Catalan olives.

Your scribe ordered the anchovy, tomato based pizza. It came with an abundance of silvery anchovies and flecked with plump capers. You can imagine the umami kick. To complement these were the addition of shallots, black olives and rosemary. All worked together very well. The crust is slow fermentation sourdough, crispier and more robust – although thin – than the chewy Neapolitan style along the road at Theo’s. There are plenty of toppings choices in weird and wonderful combinations that we imagine change regularly given that a whole section was devoted to “Summer Pizzas”. Walnuts and kimchi being just two of them. Karen’s customary grab for a slice was countered by a deft fork stab of her index finger.

As Karen is currently having a ‘Mounjaro moment’ we’re surprised that she accepted our offer for dinner in the first place. Exhibiting profound discipline, she opted for a smaller pizza accompanied by a salad. She had the beef which came with shallots and guindilla chilies as well as the ground beef, so again a complex topping portfolio. Karen enjoyed the pizza but nevertheless smothered it in the free chili oil, which perhaps indicates that the Mounjaro hasn’t kicked in just yet. As Karen keeps banging on about tomatoless pizza (what’s the POINT!) we promised to add that some pizzas are indeed white, so you’ve been warned.

A very good pizzeria overall, but will it make our Top 10 List ™ in the new year? All pizzas are around £14 with £10 pizzas on Tuesday. The best bit is they make their own gelato, but that didn’t fit into Karen’s new lifestyle so we passed.